Do you want to take advantage of a bunch of gay-hating, creationist fundies? Then follow the advice outlined below and spread the news to all your atheist, heathen or simply liberal friends.
Noel Black, The Stranger: “When I’m feeling despondent over the state of gay rights in America—or the concurrent assaults on reproductive freedom, science, and rational thought—there’s just one thing that helps me overcome my feelings of despair: getting free shit from Focus on the Family!
Few people know that Focus on the Family—the powerful evangelical Christian para-church based in Colorado Springs—will give you, absolutely free of charge, books, CDs, and DVDs. Usually people pay for these products, and the millions of dollars raised helps Focus on the Family produce yet more books and CDs featuring Dr. James Dobson and other Focus ‘experts.’ (Focus on the Family’s experts, when they’re not chatting on the phone with Karl Rove, run around the country teaching people how to stop being so gay and when it’s appropriate to kick their kids’ asses.)”
[…] Here’s how to do it:
1. Go to www.family.org and you will see their home page.
2. Once you’re at the home page, look for the “Resources” link in the blue bar on the left-hand side, right above the “Search” box, and click it.
3. Under the “Resource Category”
menu on the left-hand side, you’ll notice categories such as “Homosexuality.” Go ahead and click that for shits and giggles.
4. It’s time to start shopping! Scroll down a little bit and feel the homophobia flow. How about a nice copy of A Parent’s Guide to Preventing Homosexuality? Go ahead and click the “Add to Cart”
button.
5. Now comes a tough decision: Do you have the book sent to yourself so you can sell it on eBay for cash
(my personal favorite) or do you keep it on your mantel as a high-larious conversation piece to point at and laugh when your friends and family come over? Or do you send it to a jerk? I always opt for sending it to myself. Yes, you may end up on the Focus on the Family mailing list (though I’ve been doing this for some time and have never received anything beyond what I ordered), but reading Focus on the Family’s junk mail is a good way to keep tabs on their activities and it will cost them even more money in postage.
Please note:
Focus on the Family won’t send you more than $100
worth of materials for free in any given shopping trip, so be sure to keep it reasonable and return often.
6. Select “Add New Shipping Address” and click “Proceed to Checkout.” Or, hell, continue to shop and pick up a box set of The Chronicles of Narnia on CD.
7. The next screen will ask you to sign up for an account and give your information. Don’t worry, they don’t ask for your credit-card number.
Enter whatever name and address you like, because you won’t be paying.
8. Once you’ve filled out all the required fields (you can also create a fake e-mail account if you’re super paranoid), click “Proceed to Checkout” one more time. You’ll now find yourself at the “Here Is Your Cart” field. Annoying thing alert: You may have to reenter your info again after this field to actually set up your account. But just keep going until you get to the “How Much Would You Like to Donate?” page.
9. So, how much would you like to donate? Zero dollars, obviously. Don’t be fooled by the field in the lower-right-hand corner that shows you the suggested donation amounts. Simply select “Enter other total amount” and enter 0.00 as the amount you would like to pay. (Don’t put in a dollar sign or it will ask you for credit-card information!) Proceed to checkout.
10. You’ll now be led to a screen that will try to make you feel guilty about the amount you haven’t donated. But don’t feel bad! Just proceed to checkout again.
11. Jesus! Here you are on the twelfth step and you still don’t have your self-hatred materials! And you thought preventing homosexuality was supposed to be easy! Click “Checkout Now” and you’re done.
I just did it and got an order confirmation email. I am now waiting to receive the stuff. It will make for nice fuel, or I might try selling it on eBay.
Just in case you were worried: no, we weren’t touched by any of the recent bombings in Turkey and made it safely home—in perfect time even—from our 
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Ah! Those wonderful 80s, padded shoulders and all, they come back to haunt you when you expect it the least. This time it’s with a collection of some of the best (and not so best) 
